All things come to an end

I just found out the other day that one of my friends from high school passed away. I just finished reading his obituary, it was really nice. I am not going to lie...I cried. I don't cry often so when I do it is because I am really sad, and have no other way of expressing myself. For me crying is a last resort and only acted upon when I am alone. This kid was different, he was special, you could just tell. He and my brother had a lot in common, both brilliant guys who would have had, and did have, very fulfilled lives. I am at a loss for words really. It is at times like these that you have to raise your head and try to make something of yourself. Unfortunately I have not been doing a good job of that lately.

Now you see me Now you Don't

Sometimes I wish I could be my brother. Not because I don't like being me, but because I want to alleviate the pain of those around me. Sometimes I get the feeling that people really see him in me and because of that, they can't be around me very long. I can see the pain in their eyes, I am not compleletly oblivious. The other day I saw one of his friends on campus and I said hi like I always do, he got really excited for a minute then he seemed to get a little sad. Maybe I just imagine all of this to make myself feel more important, who knows. Or maybe I just miss him so much that I see him in me, so I assume that others see that too. I catch myself laughing like him on purpose just to see if anyone notices, they usually don't, but it does make me laugh even harder. Which I guess is better anyway.

If You Give a Cambree a Box of Macaroni and Cheese

Some days I spend the whole day being nostalgic. Today I went to the grocery store, and get this I bought a box of Mac and Cheese. I haven't had a craving for Mac and Cheese in I don't know how long. I just had an overwhelming desire to be connected with the past. With the people of my past, with the feelings of my past, and with the confidence I had in the past. I did some exploring on the internet looking up different myspaces for people I went to high school with. It is weird to see them as "grown ups" now, because I have this picture in my head of what they were like when I knew them. They are different now, I am different now. I don't really think that much has changed, but then I look back at the person I was five years ago, and I realize that a lot of things have changed. Things around me have changed, my attitude and demeanor have changed, the way I look and act have changed. Things change whether we want them to, or whether we realized they have.